1) "I want ice water, but with only two cubes of ice, I want my twice-baked potato to be baked a third time, and I want my hamburger cut into fourths with two toothpicks in each one. If any of that is messed up I will return it, and I reserve the right to throw it across the room in your general direction."

2) "How many times must I tell you what I want before you get it right?"

3) "Did your parents drop you on your head when you were a kid, because you have got to be the dumbest person ever?"

4) "Why don't you take your top off and really earn a tip tonight?"

5) "I hope you don't mind that I'm going to be paying in pennies."

6) "I'm sorry, can you repeat your specials? I missed what you were saying because I was gazing down your shirt."

7) "How about we skip the dinner order and move right to dessert? I've got some whipped cream in my '78 Ford Pinto."