Having arrived at the back of the house, he peered at the small little door that had been built into the brick foundation. He took a moment to slowly bend his knees to the ground, his weight almost causing them to collapse as he did so. After unlatching the door, he took out his flashlight and peeked inside the doorway. The sight of thousands of spiders, cockroaches, silverfish, and wood decay caused by termites in the joists shocked him at first. It was the worst infestation he had seen in his entire six-month career. He attempted to crawl inside to get a better look, but the small doorway quickly closed in on his belly as he tried to move forward. Lodged into the crawlspace he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to get inside to fumigate the area.

            As he thought about his various options, he tried to convince himself that he could still do the job properly. “It’s not really that bad,” he thought, “I’ll just set a few traps and the place will be good as new.”

            After exiting the crawlspace he dug in the toolbox for his weapon of choice. He rummaged past the bug repellent, bug bombs, and unused condoms, before finally locating the compartment of roach traps. He had bought the traps from the local Home Depot, but he had outfitted them each with a small handwritten sign that was taped to their sides that read: FREE BUFFET.

            Jester took out a handful of traps and flung them inside the crawlspace. Having completed the job, he was about to get up when a movement caught his eye. Next to his foot was an oriental cockroach, his favorite. He picked it up with his thumb and forefinger, took a long look at it, and popped it into his mouth. Jester closed his eyes in ecstasy as he bit into the cockroach and felt the juices squirting streams of warm, delicious goo between his teeth. With his hunger being temporarily satiated he made his way back to the front of the house.

            Anna had just stepped out of the shower and into the comforting warmth of a towel when she heard a knock at her door. As she made her way to the entrance, she took a rubber band off her bedroom dresser and used it to put her hair into a ponytail. She was moving as quickly as her towel would allow when she was hastened with a second knock just before she got to the door. Upon opening the door she was greeted with the sight of her favorite Roach Poacher exterminator.

            “I checked the crawlspace and, umm, you’re bug free!” Jester proclaimed awkwardly.

            “Good, I didn’t think there’d be any, but I figured it was a good idea to have you check anyway.”

            “Yep, no bugs, but it was pretty scary under there so I don’t recommend that you check it out.”

            “Oh believe me, that’s the last thing I want to do. How much did you say I owe you, twenty-dollars?”

            “Yes.”

            “Can you take a check? I don’t have any cash on me.”

            The sight of Anna’s glistening body covered haphazardly by a small towel brought visions of every cheap porno that Jester had ever watched. He was a student of human nature and knew that women loved a man in uniform, and they also loved the bad boys. He was a killer, a bug killer, but a killer nonetheless, and a man in uniform. Who wouldn’t want him?

            “Yea, I take checks, along with other forms of payment,” he said slyly.

            “Like, credit cards?”

            “Sure, or,” he tried again, “the barter system.”

            “That’s alright, I’ll just write a check. Give me a second to find my checkbook.”

            After Anna returned and handed him a check while bidding him adieu, Jester lumbered his way back to the Roach Poacher truck. After depositing his tool box in the truck bed, he climbed into the driver’s seat and started the truck. Leaning over to the passenger seat he opened up the glove box and took out a little clip in the shape of a star. As he carefully pinned it to his uniform to honor the cockroach he had just consumed, he felt a slight twitch inside his mouth. Turning the rearview mirror toward him, he looked inside his mouth and, to his surprise he discovered that part of the cockroach’s body was embedded between two teeth with one of the legs spastically kicking. He flicked it a couple times with his tongue, dislodged it, and swallowed.

            “A little dessert,” he said with a chuckle as he drove away, leaving the bug infested house behind.