MARIO- Former plumber, now goomba crushing hero of the Mushroom World.
LUIGI- Mario's younger brother. Luigi is lesser known than his red-clad brethren.

Mario and Luigi are sitting in Princess Peach's castle, having just saved her from the evil King Koopa.

LUIGI: (sighs) Why do we even do this? Seriously?

MARIO: Huh? Why do we do what?

LUIGI: Do this. Save the Princess from giant lizard men. Eat mushrooms and double in height and weight. I mean, when we grab red flowers we can shoot fireballs from our hands. What the hell is wrong with this world?

MARIO: What are you talking about?! This place is a paradise! We're heroes, bro, HEROES. The ladies love us, and -

LUIGI: Lady, man, it's singular. There's only one woman on this whole planet thingy. And she's yours. What am I supposed to do, try and get with one of the toadstool people? I don't even know how they reproduce, they're all dudes...

MARIO: I think it has something to do with pollen and stuff. You know, like plants. I mean, technically they're part mushroom, right?

LUIGI: First off, mushrooms are a fungi, not a plant. But I digress. It's just that none of the stuff in this world seems to make sense. We collect all these golden coins for what? Man, we could be KINGS back in the US. Instead we put all the gold in Peach's vault, where it just sits there and collects dust.

MARIO: The coins are like a metaphor, ya know? They symbolize the freedom of the mushroom people from the tyranny of King Koopa.

LUIGI: Metaphor? Symbolize? Dude, you're a freaking plumber. We dropped out of high school our junior year, remember? You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?

MARIO: I do too! A metaphor is like that thing that you use when you're talking about stuff. You know... metaphor! (Mario waves his hands in a circular motion, as though he is making the "form" of a metaphor.)
          (Beat)
MARIO: Whether or not I know what a metaphor is doesn't matter, okay? The point is that this world is way better than our jobs as plumbers back in New York.

LUIGI: I can't believe you don't want to get back to civilization. Don't you miss it sometimes? Things like, I don't know, television? Or maybe pizza? Sometimes I would kill to get a good slice of pie.

MARIO: Yeah, sometimes I miss pizza, I'll admit it. But in the long run, I'd much rather live here.

LUIGI: You're lucky I'm so loyal to you, ya know that? If I were a bit smarter, I would be out of here in a second. But leave my brother to some of the horrors this world offers alone? Not me. No way.
          (Beat)
MARIO: Hey, you think Peach could make a pizza? I mean, if we showed her how and stuff.

LUIGI: Maybe. It'd be nice if she could do something besides get kidnapped every week.

MARIO: Yeah. Real nice.