1) It's not gay if you vote for John McCain. (This message brought to you by McCain/Palin 2008.)

2) It's not gay if it ends with a hearty high five!

3) It's not gay if at any point during coitus you discuss transcendental idealism.

4) It's not gay if you shout out "Not queer" before he does.

5) It's not gay if Homoselectus, the God of Gay nookie, pardons your act.

6) It's not gay if you text him after the fact and say "tHaT wus so Kewl! ....I <3 ur ass"

7) It's not gay if you bury his body very carefully in your basement.