1) You believe protecting the environment is a great talking point but not something you should actually vote for or do.

2) You believe alternative fuels are a nice idea but no substitute for record profits for Exxon Mobil and others who give you lots of money.

3) You believe the first and only proper alternative in a crisis is to threaten, bully, and use military force.

4) You refuse to hold America up to a higher standard--those were the old days. (And you can actually remember the old days!)

5) Stuttering, stammering, and the inability to process real thought attracts you more than reasoned responses and the ability to articulate.

6) You believe the best thing for America is to continue to bleed money, reward the ultra-rich, become ever-more beholden to foreign nations, and continue to foster a class system in a country that was founded on eschewing such systems.

7) You just plain hate America.