1) He’s gay – This is a horrible rumor that has been going around for some time. I know it’s probably confusing, but Tom Cruise is not gay, he’s just straight-challenged. Saying Tom Cruise is gay is like saying that invading (err, liberating) Iraq was a bad idea. There’s no proof to this rumor, even if pictures of him planting a cruise missile in another guy (get it?) one day surface.

2) He’s short – This rumor was probably started because of the gargantuan size of Nicole Kidman. The truth is that Tom Cruise is somewhere between 5’8 and 6’7, as the height chart in every convenience store will attest to.

3) He’s overpaid – Why can’t a person make $20 million a year without people throwing out slanderous insults like “He’s overpaid!!!” My goodness people, have any of you ever heard of inflation?

4) He can’t do comedy – Have you seen any of his movies lately? If War of the Worlds wasn’t comedy, then I don’t know what is.

5) He doesn’t believe in psychiatrists – Now that’s just silly. Tom Cruise believes in psychiatrists, he just believes they’re the incarnation of the devil let loose on earth to warp the minds of unsuspecting people. But then again, who doesn’t believe that?

6) He’s crazy – Ok, he jumped on a couch. Oooh, that’s so crazy. It’s not like he’s raped a pig or made passionate love to a giraffe (no, Nicole Kidman doesn’t count). Furthermore, he doesn’t smear blood on his body and chant incantations to an imaginary dog named Pete. At least, I don’t think he does.

7) He belongs to some weird religion – If the belief in some mystical universal life force known as Theta is weird, then what isn’t? Who’s to say there isn’t a path to enlightenment that includes the journey through Pre-Clear, Clear, and Operating Thetan? Ok, you’ve got me here, the Scientology religion is for crazy people (note: this doesn’t mean that Tom Cruise is crazy though, as it was proven otherwise in #6 above).