We have no idea what got Simon all riled up about Halo 3, but it's obvious something (or someone) got under his skin. Feel free to send us an e-mail if you'd like to play against us in the glorious online world of Halo 3.

1) Post game bitching. - Stop telling me "Yeah, um, you wouldn't have won if not for... "blah,blah,blah." My team won, yours did not. Get the hell over it. It doesn't matter if we used snipers, ghosts, turrets, great skills or dumb frickin' luck. If only your playing skills were as good as your "dope-ass trash talkin' you might have won.

It's just a game people (one that I kicked your ass at, but just a game). Now go have your Mom drive you to McDonald's so you can stuff your heinous gut with a Happy Meal.

2) Quitters. - No, you idiot, you didn't lose your connection. I know you just couldn't stand the fact that your team was down by 3 kills with 30 more to go. Look, I'm sure you're used to rejection in life by anyone or anything that has a pulse. I also know that one more loss would just remind you of your failed attempts at "fan fiction" or being able to satisfy a woman.

But if you start a game, finish it! And stop hitting me with friendly fire as I take out the enemy who was just whooping your ass.

3) Enemies who hide in their base. - This is a death match you retards. That's freakin' amazing that you've found some rock to hide behind. I'm sure you use the same tactic when you spot a female and then fantasize about her.

The point of this "challenge" is to run around and shoot each other as much as we can. Put down your repugnant hint guide and fight, you stupid bitch.

4) Hearing you shout out "Stick together." - Do you know why it's so critical that you need me fighting beside you? It's because you can't shoot your way out of a wet paper bag! You're the same asshole who drives the warthog right into the middle of the map and then stops long enough for the enemy to hit us with a rocket launcher. You are the precise reason I don't want to "stick together." You're a friggin' death magnet with your ineptitude. Stay the hell away from me or go play "Barbie's Magical Pony Riding Adventure" (or whatever the hell it's named. I'm sure you know since you own it).

5) Clans. - No, I don't care about your precious little group of "men" who are still under the impression that clubs are cool. I already feel guilty about wasting my time on this game, so why should I compound the error by teaming up with you pussies.

6) Talking about your medal count. - Yeah, I get it douche bag, you scored a triple kill. If only you had an ounce of testosterone what an amazing person you would be. Remember that these are fake medals earned in a video game. In real life, these mean nothing.

7) People talking. - If you're not giving me recon on where the enemy is, shut the hell up. I don't want to know about your life or interests. I already know that you're a pathetic asshole living in your Mom's basement. Just hurry up and give me some enemy info so I can:

1) Dominate this board and level up.
2) Then sign off and go bang my girlfriend (yet another thing you'll never do).