Anyone that is vaguely aware of the TV show Reno 911! is well aware of the wonderful comedic and acting abilities of Mary Birdsong. Her portrayal of Deputy Kimball is one of our favorite performances on TV, and is part of what makes that show such a great program to watch. As well as providing her vocal talents to one of Simon's favorite games (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City), she also made our list of the "7 Hottest Women In The World" a few months back.

Aside from her acting, you can also catch Mary showing off her vocal range with her band 99 Cent Whore. To hear for yourself, visit their MySpace page at MySpace.com/99CentWhore.

Q: First off, our staff truly loves your portrayal of Deputy Kimball on the hit show Reno 911.

MB: I'm gonna choose to take that as a compliment. But if I find out later that it ISN'T? You and your staff'll be in deep shit.

Q: Your character is constantly being accused of being a lesbian by her fellow staff. When you portray her, do you actively think she's gay and hiding it, or she's not gay, yet everyone thinks she is?

MB: When I portray Deputy Cherisha Kimball, the only thing I'm actively thinking as that character is "Clemetine's ass looks really hot in those pants. If I weren't so incredibly disgusted by my own sinful, unChristian yearnings, I'd do her." Which is eerily similar to what I, Mary Birdsong, am actively thinking, which is something like "Wendy has a great ass. Is she doing 'The Zone?' I should do the 'The Zone'."

Q: So you're recording a new album with your band 99 Cent Whore. Can you give us the scoop on what we can expect to hear?

MB: You can expect to hear what I like to describe as Tenacious D meets Coal Miner's Daughter. It's my character's attempt to really be faithful to her artistic musical roots, which means she is trying her best to replicate Rick Springfield, Pat Benatar, Journey, and a softer version of Def Leppard. At her best? She's 38 Special's worst. Fans can log on to myspace.com/99centwhore to hear some tracks in various stages of done-ness.

The band also features Steve Agee (of the Sarah Silverman Program) on bass, Mike Ruekberg (of Andy Dick's band, and The Red Button) on guitar and Sammy Primero on drums. My favorite new tune is called "Night School." The whore sings about how she missed out on so much by not going to college, especially not getting to have that inevitable freshman year lesbian experience. Hmmm... between the 99 Cent Whore and Deputy Cherisha Kimball I sure sound like a lesbian. But truth be told, I've never even had a make out party with a lady, much less sex. I feel like asking NYU for my money back. Because I paid a lot of damn money to go there and didn't even get so much as a kiss from a lady. What a rip off.

Photo of Mary Birdsong and Wendi McLendon-Covey
backstage at the upright citizen's brigade before a
99 Cent Whore gig. Mary and Wendi were both guests that
night on Seth Morris' "broin out" show.

Q: Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person that drives a race car is not called a racist?

MB: They're not? Shit. I got some apologies to make. But in my defense, I did hear that Mario Andretti doesn't like Asian people.

Q: Your official site has a strip poker game featuring you. Okay, I admit I've played it and I really suck at 5 card draw. Do you have any advice on getting your clothes off (in the game...not real life)?

MB: No advice I'm afraid. But don't feel bad. The paper doll version of me on my website that gives you that chance to take her undies off? Well, that paper doll didn't get waxed, so... And she's wearing really unsexy granny panties anyway. I'd stick to live strip poker if I were you. But ask permission first. Strangers might feel put off if you don't get the okay up front.

Q: You provided your voice talents for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. How fun was it working on perhaps the greatest video game of all time?

MB: It was fun, until I realized that those guys probably made a gazillion-bajillion dollars on that game. I think they paid me 500 bucks. Poor me!!!!

Q: What's a fact about you that the fans would be shocked to learn?

MB: I love getting dolled up in ridiculous frilly, vintage outfits. The girlier the better. Photos for evidence below...

From left to right: Katty Biscone, Mary Birdsong, and
Wendi McLendon-Covey on opening night of a broadway
musical Mary performed in called "Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me."

 
Being pretentious in purple on a rooftop.

Q: What's the worst pick-up line a man has ever tried on you?

MB: I wish I could tell you, but I'm retarded when it comes to this. Even the most obvious pick-up lines go right over my head. A guy could ask me if I'm wearing any underwear and hand me a dozen roses and I'd still be totally surprised if someone told me an hour later "That guy digs you."

Q: Was it a challenge growing up with four sisters?

MB: I only grew up with 2 sisters, actually, because the other 2 sisters are from my Dad's 2nd marriage, and grew up in his household in KY. The two sisters I grew up with (Anne and Veronica) were great because I had someone to meet up with in a corner of the house and say "Mommy's crazy, right?" Of course, I can say this about my mom because I too am crazy. My mom is an awesome crazy lady.

Q: Where can we see more of your upcoming work?

MB: Well, I don't know a release date yet, but you can see me playing a great role as a "pleasure party hostess" (think Tupperware® lady, but with vibrators) in the feature film "Made Of Honor" starring Patrick (McDreamy) Dempsey. And right now I'm shooting a great part in the new Greg Mottola (director of Superbad) film. It's called Adventureland. And I'm playing a totally man-hungry woman for a change, in both films!

Q: Let's end with word association. I say wombat and you say...

MB: Bat womb.