1) I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, since our freshman year of high school, and we're very close and have lived together for almost 3 years, so we pretty much do everything together. His father just came back from Iraq and he has hardly spent any time with my boyfriend and hasn't even called him to check in. While his dad was away his stepmother was supposed to support him and she didn't do that at all.

Right now I'm sick of both of his parents and have told him to stand up to them and tell them that he is sick of them not being parents, but he just brushes it off. He doesn't want to stand up to them and tell them what's on his mind, but he has no problem telling me when I've offended him or anything of the sort. He tells me that he doesn't want to fight with them; which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard because he has no problem fighting with me. This situation is causing a lot of friction in our relationship; I want him to stand up to them and he wants me to let it go. I need some help.
Asked by Amanda

Amanda, I know this is a hard situation to be in. I was in a similar situation myself with an ex-boyfriend's family. You cannot compare the relationship you have with your boyfriend to the relationship he has with his parents. The fact that he is more comfortable with you and that he expects more out of your relationship than he does from his parents is probably why he doesn't have a hard time arguing with you. He should be able to let you know when you do things that bother him, and vice versa. Arguing can be upsetting and a pain, but it's natural in any relationship when you communicate with one another.

Your boyfriend may just want you to let it go because he may not even see a problem with their behavior. If he grew up in the same environment that his parents are providing now, then this may be "normal" for him. He is probably wondering why you are concerned over something that he doesn't see as a problem. Another reason that he doesn't speak up could be out of fear. It could be fear of physical harm, emotional harm, or even the disapproval of his parents. If they failed to take care of him as a child as well he may have been starved for their affection his entire life and may, subconsciously, not want to do anything that could adversely affect that affection. Another scenario could be that he has stood up to them in the past and nothing positive came from it. Sometimes it's easier to ignore a situation than to act and make things worse.

If you would like him to step up and do something all you can really do is to sit down and have a very serious and very calm discussion about how their actions make you feel. It's important that you do not fight or yell during this conversation so that he realizes that you are truly upset rather than just irritated by it. After the conversation, just drop it. I know that you are only irritated by this because you care about your boyfriend, but constant reminders of the situation or fighting are not going to help him take action. Even if he did stand up to them, how much do you think would really change? His fighting back will not immediately change his parents, if ever. You need to figure out if you can ignore the situation with his parents, or if you need to remove yourself from that situation entirely. I wish you luck.

2) How to keep the gray hair covered when it's only the side?
Asked by Jean

Men have a much easier time with aging than women do. If a man is graying on the sides of his head it is sexy. It makes them look sophisticated. Women have to fight tooth and nail to hide any signs of aging. To cover the grays you can either choose to dye your own hair or to go to a salon. The stylists have more experience with color matching, but it also requires more money on a monthly basis than does dying your own hair.

Even though you are just getting the gray hair on the sides, you will still want to dye your entire head. Attempting to find a perfect match to your hair color and only dying the sides can, and probably will, be disastrous. The stylist will be able to maintain your hair color easily. If you choose to dye your own hair be sure to get a dye that is specifically for gray hair or at least mentions its abilities to cover gray hair. Also, make sure that you remember the brand and color of the dye that you choose. Follow the directions on the package to dye your entire head of hair. Depending on how quickly your hair grows you may have to touch up every 3-6 weeks. When you need to touch up just go get the same hair dye and follow the directions on the package for touching up the roots. Good luck!

3) On a first date is it appropriate to end with a hug? A handshake seems too stiff and not having any sort of contact feels a bit odd too. Please help.
Asked by Timothy N. from El Paso, TX

I think ending a first date with a hug or a kiss on the hand is appropriate and sweet. A handshake would be awkward and inappropriate, and a goodnight kiss on the lips can be very awkward as well as possibly being too forward. The key to ending your first date is to leave her wanting more. A hug or a kiss on the hand shows affection towards her in a gentlemanly manner and will leave her eager for the next date.

4) My girlfriend has hinted on adding some "sexy foods," to our intimate times. Frankly, I think whip cream, cherries, and chocolate sound like a sticky mess. What am I missing here?
Asked by Barry L. from Sandusky, OH

What you are missing is that relationships involve some compromise and some giving in to the other person entirely. Adding some food into foreplay is a fantasy of hers that she would like you to be a part of. You may not quite understand it, but this is a fantasy that you can help her fulfill. Sex is a wet and sticky event to begin with, so what is the problem with sticking to your mate a bit more than usual?

Let's say it does end up being a bit of a mess to clean up. The worst case scenario is that you two can throw the sheets in the washer and take a shower together. Either way this is a win-win situation. I fail to see the problem with you being sticky while having sex with a beautiful woman. Also, adding food to the mix usually means that a little more oral fun will be involved in the foreplay. Who would say no to that?

5) My girl is all about holding hands, but I have a bit of a problem with hyperhidrosis (in layman's terms, very sweaty hands when I get nervous -or sometimes for no reason). How do I please my girl without grossing her out?
Asked by Vince L. from Torrence, CA

Your worrying about your sweaty palms when you hold hands is probably making the situation worse. It is common for people to get sweaty palms when you hold hands. You are putting two warm body parts together. Your girlfriend wants to hold your hand and be close to you. I really don't think that she will mind sweaty palms, and she definitely won't be grossed out. This is something that you, as well as many other people, have to deal with. If your palm gets sweaty when you are holding hands just wipe it off then grab her hand again. You need to try to learn to become comfortable with that function of your body. If it makes you uncomfortable she will be able to pick up on that.

6) Has Starbucks taken over as the new place to meet a girl? What happened to the good ol' days of meeting a girl for a drink? Anyway, you got any advice on a coffee drink to order that doesn't make me sound like a wuss?
Asked by Albert C. from Trenton, NJ

I may be a bad person to ask about this subject, Albert. I detest Starbucks with everything that I am. It has become more popular, however, to meet for coffee rather than a late night drink on a first date. Usually, a coffeehouse has a more comfortable and laidback atmosphere than a bar or club. Also, meeting in the middle of the day allows her to have a bit more control over the date. If things aren't going well she can simply say that she has errands to run and you will be none the wiser. If things are going well, you two can plan to have dinner or a drink later on.

If there is anything on the Starbucks menu that doesn't have a wussy name, I am not aware of it. Their lack of manly drinks will only affect you if you sound like Derek Zoolander when you order it. If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend drinks the Iced Caramel Macchiato. As long as you enjoy your drink, who really cares what it's called? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

7) So if pick up lines don't work, what's a good way to approach a girl at a club (without coming off as a cheese ball)? Oh, and if I'm hanging with a friend who's a girl, does it make me seem more desirable to other women?
Asked by Franklin H. from Southern Pines, NC

I congratulate you on advancing in the dating world with your realization that pick up lines do not work. When approaching a woman be genuine. We can see through the phony attempts to impress us. Small talk goes a long way. Introduce yourself. Ask our names and if we are with anyone. If she is with a friend say hello to the friend and maybe shake their hand. Being rude to the person she is with means that you have no chance in hell. If you feel the need to compliment a woman, only compliment from the chin up and only use terms such as "beautiful" and "pretty". Talking to a woman like a drunken frat boy is going to get you slapped or ignored. No woman dreams of a man who walks up to her and says she has a "smokin' body." In general, be respectful and genuine.

Hanging out with a female friend will make you or break you. It has to be obvious that you two are just friends and not out on a date. It is doubtful that a woman will approach you when you are with her. However, it could earn you some brownie points if you mention that you are there with your female friend when you approach a girl. It will make her more comfortable to see that you have a close female friend that you obviously respect. Girls growing up are always told to see how a guy treats his mother before getting serious. We are told this because seeing how respectful you are towards a woman as close to you as your mother will reflect on how you would treat us. Having a best friend that happens to be female would work in the same way.