(Regarding how WickedInfo came about and our decision to interview her)

LW: The web is so bizarre, because I had one guy ask to do an interview after I did a performance in L.A.. And I'm usually a total whore, I'll say yes to most interview requests. So he was like, "Would you be willing to come and do my Cable Access show?" And I'm certainly not above Cable Access, because I like a new experience, and it can be some great material sometimes. I Googled him before going in and found out his name was associated with the Robert Blake trial. It turns out he had been kicked out of the courtroom for screaming during the trial. Stuff like, "You liar. You lying sack of shit, you jerk you know what you did!" The guy had also served time in Sing Sing and had a very shady past. But to me that made it more interesting, I was like, "I definitely want to meet him." I told my manager because I thought it'd be interesting, but then she forbade me.

SA: So did you Google Simon and myself as well then?

LW: No, not for a website. The only thing I'd be concerned about is if it was like, "Yeah, we're fucking babies!" Because if you're fucking babies that's not ok with me. I have a really weird line about that, a lot of people are more open, but I'm not. So fucking babies isn't alright, or anything that's creepy with girls. Like if the site was "Look at her boobs, look her boob came out when she got out of the car."

SA: It's a good thing the site didn't go that route then. There was a lot of pressure with the fucking of kids though.

LW: It's babies that I'm concerned about. Kids can take care of themselves. Babies are helpless.

SA: You've spent a lot of time in Seattle with theatre; so honestly, what is the biggest danger to American welfare: Smokey Bear or Starbucks?

LW: Smokey the Bear? Because he's preventing forest fires?

SA: You know, Stephen Colbert has a thing about bears, and I have a thing about Smokey Bear showing up on TV; he's a dead bear first of all. That just seems a little bit creepy.

LW: He died? When did he die?

SA: He was named after a real bear that died in a forest fire way back in the ‘80's or something. (Editor's note: Sorry Steve, you're wrong on both accounts. Smokey Bear was originally named after a NYC firefighter from the 1920's, but the "living symbol" was actually a black bear that survived a forest fire in the 1950's.)

LW: He did not die in a forest fire.

SA: He did, that's why they have the mascot.

LW: So they brought back the memory of him going "Please, don't."

SA: That's why they use him to prevent forest fires, because he burned to death.

LW: They should say that.

SA: Shouldn't they? That should be how they end every commercial, "Smokey Bear died for you."

LW: That's like the Yul Brenner anti-smoking commercial where he says, "Don't smoke," and he was already dead by the time it aired. So I think it would be more effective if they showed Smokey with the patches of missing hair and asking to be remembered. Because I'm a huge forest fire fan, and my friends are always like, "Don't start the forest fire yet, because we just set up the tents." Because I'm always like, "Let's do it, let's fucking burn it." That's a tough thing to stop, once you've seen the joy of watching everything burn; like animals and people.

I guess to me, Starbucks has done nothing but better my life. I can't think of anything bad that Starbucks has ever done to me, besides some of their bathrooms being fucking shit-covered. "Fucking shit-covered" that's beautiful. I write poetry, you can tell. The disgusting bathrooms they could improve, I'm sure that's where I got my herpes from.

SA: I enjoy your Our Bodies, Myself episodes on Oxygen.com, especially the Self Defense one.

LW: I think that's one of my favorites too, if I'm allowed to pick.

SA: I was a little bit grossed out with the Womenstruation one. I think it was when you tried to eat a chunk at the very end.

LW: There are a few moments in it where I'm like, "It's for the web and nobody monitors it." Then I'll watch it back sometimes and go, "Oh for the love of God." It's Oxygen too and they don't give a shit. Like at the end of the Self Defense one, where I'm giving it to him from behind, and I'm thinking, "I cannot believe that Oxygen would allow this."

SA: Where do you get your inspiration when you're writing your new shows like Bust or Wreckage?

LW: I get my inspiration from whatever has traumatized me. Whatever fucks me up. Usually it's that.

SA: More of a darker place then.

LW: It's not so drug and alcohol induced; it's more just other people that seem to traumatize me. It's the hell with other people kind of situation. When I was first in L.A., I was in this tiny sauna, and I'm not a prude, I did live in Amsterdam and everyone's naked there, but in this little steam room I just go in there and sit down very calmly wrapped in my towel and try not to move around too much because there's other women all trying to fit into this tiny room. Anyway, this woman gets up and she's literally standing right in front of me and she starts doing yoga moves. And she's like, "ahhhhhhh" and giving me full flash of the cupcake right there in my face. She doesn't care that she's taking up the entire space and everyone else is trying to move out of the way so she can do her downward dogs and everything. I'm sure this sounds like heaven, but it was so disturbing and I was thinking, "This is so unbelievable; this town is going to be non-stop material." Much more so than Seattle, because Seattle has got one joke and then you're sort of stuck there.

SA: Seattle is supposed to be one of the most depressing cities, so you'd think that'd help you.

LW: Yeah, all my friends are dead.

SA: Really?

LW: All of them, suicide. But I still like going there for the summer; even though everybody's dead.