Dear Gay Guy,
My flat mate has a cat, which is destroying all my belongings; and I'm ready to kill the bastard! My roommate says that she will replace anything the cat damages, but hasn't yet. It's been four months now!
Vicky in Portland

Place the kitty litter in your roommate's room and lock the cat in there with its bowl of food and water. Demand that the cat only be allowed out into the common areas only when your roommate is home and can supervise the cat. If that doesn't work 'accidentally' leave the front door open with some cat food trailed out to the street...oops

Dear Gay Guy,
My boyfriend keeps using all my hair products and not replacing them. How can I teach him a lesson so that he stops doing this?
Gel-Wax-Boi. New York

Place face cream in the conditioner, glue in the gel or food coloring in the hair product. After all, they are your products. When he realizes that these products don't suit his hair type he will then buy his own.

Dear Gay Guy,
My girlfriend and I haven't had sex in one year! What is wrong with me? She has no sexual desire. I've tried leaving magazines around the house and watching girly videos with her, nothing seems to work. I don't know what to do anymore.
Sex Starved in Florida.

I believe like all cats, this pussy has been doing the rounds and eating out of everyone's bowl. Get rid of her darling and find yourself someone who's loyal and likes you to make her purrrrrr.

Dear Gay Guy,
I have a large collection of dildos, unfortunately, my large double ended one keeps breaking! What can I do? I have replaced it three times now.
Dishwasher Lover

Brace it with a piece of wood, tape it up with electrical tape to prevent splinters and slide a ribbed condom over it.