1) Knowing that any discomfort I may have had using the bathroom in front of someone has now all but disappeared. - Once the child comes along, they realize they cannot live without you for that two minutes you're in the loo. Don't ever try to close the door. Just go when you can.

2) Developing skills that MacGyver would envy...

1) McDonald's is hiring at a higher wage than you currently make.

2) As a resident of Alabama you're arrested for not...

Eliza Dushku

Where to see her: Tru Calling (TV), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), The New Guy (film), Wrong Turn (film).

Alicia Keys...

1) Telling people you practice entomophagy sounds like you have a terrible disease.

2) Dragonflies keep sewing your mouth shut before you can eat them...

1) It’s not gay if you only do it to get out of a parking ticket.

2) It’s not gay if you’re thinking of Martha Stewart...

1) Reconstructive and Cosmetic Vaginal Procedures. - First of all, I'm not sure why I need a cosmetic or reconstructive procedure on my vagina, but the ad informs me that it will enhance my sex life and restore my self esteem. As a very eligible bachelor I must admit that their promises to improve my sex life and self esteem have got me intrigued. What really sells me on their service though, is...

1) Washing dishes! You've successfully avoided jotting a note in your Dream Journal, forgotten the two great ideas that hit you in the shower, read the morning paper without doing the crossword or sudoku puzzle (hey, your mind works and there's a pen in your hand!), and your hands are immersed in the scrubbing bubbles that are assaulting breakfast's remains...

Erica Hill

Where to see her: Headline News (TV), Anderson Cooper 360° (TV). 

1) Sideburns origin - Sideburns were named after a Civil War Union General by the name of Ambrose Everett Burnside. Gen. Burnside had a very interesting display of facial hair, hence the naming of sideburns after him.

2) Baby Ruth name - Baby Ruth candy bars were named...

1) It's not gay if you pretend to not enjoy it.

2) It's not gay if only one of you wears...